“I don’t want to keep making you sad”

Why can’t we go back to how things used to be? When you’d bring me Subway and couldn’t keep your hands off me all day everyday, when you’d look at me like the only girl in the world? Why can’t we get that back?  Why is everythins so fucked up now?

When was the last time we were happy together? I mean “nothing else matters” happy, the type of happiness you think will last forever? When you say forever do you see the rest of our lives or just next week? It’s always me that needs to review what I want, if I didn’t want this, if I didn’t want that, then I would have left months ago to save myself the sorrow. Maybe it isn’t me that needs to review their relationship requirements, maybe it’s you?

Why do you never understand what I want, what I’m trying to say? Is it so hard to understand that the only thing I need to make it all ok is you? That to make me happy all I need is you… just some of your time, some of your love? Cliche right? But when you love someone that person is all you need, it’s when you feel like your losing them, like they’re no longer there it all starts to fall apart. It feels like we’re falling apart, I feel like I’ve already fallen apart… The only thing keeping me clinging on for dear life is the hope we can take it all back to the start, to two people who care about nothing but eachother.

I have no control over my own future anymore, I’m just waiting, waiting to see whether we’ll sink or swim. I never wanted this type of life, one I’m incapable of leading myself. I see you slipping away everyday, with frustration and carelessness, it’s difficult to hold your attention for more than 20 minutes at a time these days… I feel about as special as a pair of Primark flats!

I only want you if saving our relationship is sole most important thing to you in world because that’s what it will take to bring us back to life… If it isn’t then I’m not prepared to be in a relationship where love’s divided unequally. I want to marry you, hwake up next to you every morning, share the next 30 odd years with you! If you see yourself in any other place in years to come it’s not meant to be… I don’t mean that much.

I don’t want us to destroy eachother, I don’t want to be left broken after love, alone after us! Some things are just beyond repairable and we’re not far of that! Soon the damage we’ve done in the past will be too much to determine our future ourselves. Please just show me you love me, that’s all I need in order to be happy… Just you!