In another life

When will this all end? When will it all stop hurting so much? I don’t want to be part of us anymore, I don’t want to cry this many tears!

I’m sorry my unhappiness is merely an inconvenience to you! I’m I just can’t be the person you want me to be!  Forgive me for wanting more, for needing more! 

Love should never cause this much pain.

One day even my limit will be reached, one day there will be no other plausible excuse left inside to justify staying in this relationship, one day I will find better! 

If you loved me like you said you’d care; if you loved me like you say you’d stay! Where do the lies end and the truth begin? 

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you; you struggle to spend the rest of your day with me! 

Sometimes I just want to feel special, to feel loved… To feel irreplaceable.

–          Is it too much to want to see your boyfriend more than once a week? Is it irrational to worry while his at work knowing his past reputation with the whores there around him? Should I not be able to justify worrying about the stability of our relationship knowing what’s coming up in the next three months? Should you not be grateful that I’m even still with you after everything?

Do you not fear losing me?  Do you not think I’ll leave?

Will I just never be good enough to be your everything? Do I not deserve that?

–          I just want to run away from it all, to move on without looking back somewhere else. To get away from the things causing me so much unhappiness here. Sometimes leaving your problems behind is the only way of solving them… Some things are beyond repair in this life.

Why can you not just promise me it will all be ok? That you understand you need to make sacrifices too? Will I always play second best to your job and territory that comes with it? Will there always be these double standards of reassurance?

#WhatthefuckamIgoingtodo?

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