“What will make you happy?”

I have a naturally self-destructive character.

I subconsciously refuse happiness and welcome despair, I want for the opposite of what I possess, life to me is never satisfactory enough to call fulfilling… My world is seemingly empty while I walk alone in my own pity.

So when I plead for a conventional relationship, complete with trust, honesty, stability and security I wonder if in all reality I am so displeased with the disruptive, unreliable and irrational situation I find myself in. Then I contemplate the pain, the anguish, the tears, and I remember why I long to seek comfort in a safety never experienced.

When you sink so low you have no idea where the strength to resurface will come from, when you tire of tears yet fail to identify a remedy there seems very little substance left. Theres a lot of pain in love, keeping it and losing it alike can seem equally impossible at times.

I just needyou tell me it’s ok, toshow you love me every now and again, make me smile, create a memory… I want you to make me feel safe, I want security, stability… I want happy! When the tears dry andthe pain numbs all emotion there will be nothing left to lose. It’s ironic how a couple so dysfunctional, two people up against so many obstacles can seem to complacently indestructable.

It’s amazing how sometimes the simplest things in life can make the world seem a warmer place, the future look that little bit brighter! I want to laugh again, to produce a smile that reaches my eyes, to feel young and free again! I need to feel in control in order to function, and at the moment I have very little to feel in control of… As if my life is set to play whilst Im stuck on pause!  # Bring me back to life?

Just promise you won’t give up on me too?

It has to get better

“There will always that one person, that no matter how long it’s been or how badly they’ve treated you, when they say “I love you” you can’t help but reply “I love you too” …and mean it”