When you’re ex tells you he has gotten someone else pregnant… Because he had needs

When you’re ex tells you he has gotten someone else pregnant, what must have been not 4 weeks after you split up… Because he had needs…

If anybody had seen, my reaction could have been mistaken for a Hollyoaks audition, the feeling of being stabbed repeatedly in the stomache mixed with what can only be described as a silent, agonising plea for help. I can’t remember the last time someone else has caused me such an immense emotional pain, the last time I felt my entire world collapsing around me. Once upon a time I naively thought he could  be the person that I would eventually spend the rest of my life with, that through the rough patches we’d emerged a stronger force than imaginable. I know this isn’t about me, I know that to a certain extent I have moved on to a much happier place in my life but I can’t ignore the soul steeling feeling of betrayal that refuses to leave me.

I didn’t think he could hurt me anymore than he did when he walked away, I thought looking back I could close that chapter of my life relatively unscathed… Until I realised that out of  sight and out of mind is merely a survival method to get by… Heart’s don’t mend as quickly as we all hope they would.

I once thought of what our kids would be like, what our home would look like, our wedding… I’ve always been one to embark on a fantasy adventure more than once but it still doesn’t hurt any less knowing his doing this with someone else… My side of the bed was hardly cold!

Unless someone has been in this situation I can imagine this makes little sense, after all out of everyone I’m affected least. I can’t describe the logic behind the devastation surrounding me at the minute, but I feel like I’ve lost a part of me forever, to some 11 months isn’t a lengthy period of time but we had a relationship so messed up, some couple’s  relationships spanning over years have experienced far less highs and lows. We both messed up more than once, and sometimes we have to hold our hands up and say maybe in another life we could have been blissfully happy, I just wasnt ready to do that yet… I still wanted the One Day ending before she got run over by a lorry and ruined the happy ever after an entire audience was routing for.

I can’t count the tears shed over the love lost, and I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive him for this. I’m not angry, Im sure at some point I will be… But right now I’m just broken

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