Get your rebound on…

Over the years I have collected enough items of mens clothing to actually fill a wardrobe… Whether it be ex’boyfriends hoodies stolen for casual wear, boxer shorts to sleep in (I actually no longer possess those as they entered the bin during one of my clensing of the soul experiences in a desperate attempt to forget a certain destructive partner), tops and shirts from friends or jumpers from random fellow alchol absorbed men who feel sorry for my shivering frame.

The rebound- a quick fix remedy for a broken heart? After years of constant failed relationships, battered self-esteem and endless doubt the rebound has become a sort of thearpy for me, after every partner I cared about left I would go on an endless search to make myself feel better by finding other people who do actually want me. Well that’s what I would tell myself after one too many shots and the option to take the reasonable looking guy offering me endless amounts of attention home with me it’s safe to say I veered of the rails slightly. I thought those days of justifying behaving like a common whore were behind me, for the past few months I had been happily committed (in ironically an uncommited relationship) to one person, for weeks the fear of sleeping with anyone else scared the life out of me… And then everything I had become used to came crashing down around me.

And to deal with the fact I’ve lost someone that still means the world to me I have reverted back to  my old ways. I don’t want to be that person, it never made me happy, the only thrill came from the chase half the time anyway! So I’ve already took a couple of steps in the wrong direction in an attempt that I’m actually ok, that I can continue my life without him because someone else wants me anyway, but that’s enough. I will remain an upstanding female with morals and standards, even after 5 shots of Disserano!

The rebound stage of moving on masks denial, I’m not in denial, I know exactly what I feel and how much it hurts, and I know now that meaningless sex from god knows who isnt going to help… I guess I’ll just have to move on natuarally.