Bitter Sweet

I don’t hate you, I don’t think I will ever be able to hate you. I do hate how this has turned out, I hate how just the mention of your name sends tears streaming down my face, I hate how vulnerable an d alone you have left me…
You said you wouldn’t give up on me, that you wouldn’t leave… You lied, and you’re not here anymore…
I don’t know what’s next, every aspect of my life has been sent into turmoil and I can’t even begin to focus on my future. Maybe I just need to get away, maybe there’s nothing left for me here anymore, surely there has to be more to life than this?
Do we make our own luck, does everything happen for a reason, or has the mess I’m surrounded by been created by myself? We all want someone else to blame for our misfortune…
I’m going to be angry for a little while, because it’s what I do in order to wake up every day and plaster a fake smile on my tired face and get through the day. I need to pretend I’m ok in order to heal, eventually I will be able to look back and remember when we were happy, but right now the good times are severely outweighed by the negatives and all I can remember is the previous three months. I never thought you’d hurt me the way Zane did, I never thought you’d ever enter the same category, and although you’re a much better person than him, you’ve left me in the same state he did 3 years ago, a time I thought I’d left behind.
I want to pretend I wish you the best, but I’m a selfish person and I can’t help but want to see you regret this, I want you to feel how I feel now, you don’t deserve to be happy if I’m not… I just want this all to stop.
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