Don’t you remember? The reason you loved me before…

“Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”

 

I don’t want to hate him, I don’t want to be angry but right I now I have no other way to channel what I feel, I just want him to know how much this huts… And although it was never deliberate, I want him to know how much he has hurt me.
9 months isn’t a long time when considering the span of a life, so why does it feel like this has been going on forever? Why do I feel like I’ve lost the person who knew me best?
It may have been me that suggested we take some time apart, this may have been all my fault but I came to the conclusion that I owed it to myself to at least try and escape this depression, that didn’t mean I actually wanted to go through with losing the only person who has meant anything to me in years. I didn’t want to conclude the story this way, apparently there are no happy endings in real life though… Maybe Gavin has never been my Prince and maybe we’ve just been kidding ourselves all these months, either way when you truthfully believed someone would be a part of your life for years to come it’s difficult to come to terms with the fact they’re no longer there for a cuddle, to wipe away the tear and tell you they love you? I may have said it’s over but unlike him I don’t seem to have given up hope, your brain can confirm the statistics, the possible outcomes but sometimes your heart won’t listen, sometimes only time apart can confirm the worst.
‘Time is a healer’- a slow one mind! There is no magical remedy for what I feel, no amount of re-bound relationships, alcoholic beverages or tearful I love you’s will make this any better. Three years ago I can look back and find myself in the same position, wondering what to do next, without him what’s actually left of me? The difference is this time I’m still here, a little broken but nothing days, weeks and months can’t fix, I guess every failed relationship makes us a little bit stronger after all.
I honestly did think we’d make it though, the amount we’ve previously survived should have formed a foundation to beat anything… Maybe I was wrong to think that love did make everything ok, maybe just because I decided to fall I assumed we could make it through anything- maybe I just wanted it more.
My i-Tunes now holds the most depressing playlist known to man, eventually I figured the tears would run dry… Eventually! I hope this will be the last of my depressing lets jump off a building posts for a while… But don’t hold your breathe!

“In another life

I would be your girl

We’d keep all our promises, Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don’t have to say, You were the one that got away”
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