Time to go

There will be no deleting of numbers, blocking of Facebook accounts, this time no theatrics are needed, this time there isn’t that knowledge that eventually everything will be ok.

I don’t know when exactly I fell in love with someone again, I do know the emotions I’m experiencing share an uncanny likeness to the previous heartbreak I have experienced. Zane destroyed me a person to the point where I had to rebuild every aspect of my life, although the people share no similarities this new situation seems to mirror the resolution of the previous. I don’t want to hurt anymore, I don’t want to cry and despite not wanting to be alone I don’t know if there is any other option anymore.

Maybe we’ve been fooling ourselves, I was putting off facing the fact that our lifestyles are too different, that the issues that once destructed our originally perfectly happy relationship are still there, that the longer this messed up partnership goes on the more dependant I become. I know he cares about me, and I know that this to him is probably another one of my emotional breakdowns where I insist this isn’t going to work… But something inside of me is too exhausted to keep trying.

It hurts now, so much! I feel like I have no one left in my life, no support, no one to care about me… Gavin was the only person I had left to make sure I was ok, now I have no one, now I’m all alone. I miss my baby, and I’m going to miss him a hell of a lot more before the pain starts to go away, but I don’t want to be in love anymore… Not with someone who can’t love me back to the same extent, not with someone who isn’t ready to let someone into his life when sacrifices are necessary.

I guess this is it… I can’t see any way back.

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