Enough with you all

You still look at yourself as the victim, despite the months that have passed and the sorry’s said you seem to have neither forgiven nor forgot. Yet you declare friendship, a friendship you can no longer be bothered to participate in… So what is left? Nothing’s left, so why bother with a half-hearted attempt to hold onto the past?

And you… You declare the love is still there yet you put considerably more effort into breaking my previous relationship up than you ever did trying to make our new one work. Another victim or was it a simple case of ‘if I can’t have you no one can’? Was it all a game to you? Because to me this was my life, my future, my heart that you gambled away and now I’m left with nothing… But your ok with that, as long as I have nothing.

I miss the past but I hate living in it, re-living memories each night before I go to sleep hurts. I can’t describe the feeling, the physical ache is indescribable, unexplainable but definitely present. So I have no choice to break the bonds emotionally tieing me directly to my past, despite the heightened distress it will undoubtedly cause. I need to be strong! 
___ My moods are getting more erratic and my temper’s returning, and I have a feeling the frustration is directly linked to the fact I have not had sex in the past two weeks or so… I’m not sure the celibate lifestyle is for me!

 

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