A letter to my ex

Dear you know who

I may have done some messed up things in the past, my own naivety caused you pain but how many times can someone apologize? I’ve felt bad, I’ve cried a river’s worth of tears and I’ve hopelessly wished I could reverse time on endless occasions, but I can’t and we both know previous actions and words cannot be taken back…
I’ve made it clear how I still feel, that I never have been able to let go and move on despite best efforts, but when I think there’s nothing left to hold on to sometimes the hardest decisions have to be made. Hearts inevitably break at the end of something special, and I’m starting to think I need to take mine out of limbo and deal with the pain. There is only so long one can hide behind hope until hope fade’s away.
I think you’ve already closed the door and locked it behind you, I no longer have the key… I’m on the outside looking in with no real chance of breaking through. The sooner you can face what’s inside your head and admit logical thinking has got the better of you the sooner I can begin healing my heart.
I’m the victim of my actions so why should I be spared? I deserve everything that will eventually catch up with me, guilt is a consuming thing, almost as uncontrollable as love, I face both everyday and I’m getting tired… Forgive or forget, a new chapter can begin or the covers can close leaving the rest unwritten, sometimes a compromise just doesn’t work, a relationship cannot survive in the past.
All I ask is can you just put me out of misery soon please? I’m not strong enough to walk away until I have no choice to do so but I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle… Do me a favour “be good and don’t go back to any of your ex’s, your better than that,” you’re my ex and I, I’d do anything to go back? It’s amazing how one sentence can inspire a brain full of thoughts which translate to this, I guess sometimes the most complex things can be said in the simplest ways, if only I could actually say this to you…
I don’t like sleeping alone, I miss cuddle’s in front of the tv and having someone to talk to regardless of the hour.

Love Smudge .xo

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