Money on the mind

There are some things in my life I don’t seem to be able to control, my love life for example has spiralled out of control and the pace at which I develop at work is equally frustratingly dictated by others. The only other aspect of my existence that seemingly has a life of its own is my finances… Now this I can control, I earn enough to get by each month even after the mounting pile of bills received, so there is no logical reason my economic situation should appear so poor! 
It’s time I focussed on the things in my life that are going to follow me through with age… It’s becoming apparent people come and go, through my own fault or others the only person that will remain with me for the long run is myself, and sadly there’s a buy one get one free deal non-negotiable on my life and my money (or lack of it)! By the end of 2012 I will be debt free, bye-bye personal loan, so long credit card and Au revoir store cards- I will also have enough to put down a deposit on my own rented abode and enough to furnish it to my own taste.Independance, If I’m going to be doing it alone I will do it well this time.
I guess I’ve accepted I have to do it on my own now, I can’t see myself seriously involved with anyone for at least the next 12 months, a slightly depressing thought but I have about as much interest in men as I do in cricket. The one thing I want, the origional plan, the slightly too hopeful dream is… Well not going to happen, so the focus is now on re-directing my emotions, the lonliness and feeling of desertion into positivity and determination to switch my life around to get to the places I want to be… Eveyone else may give up on me but I refuse to admit defeat and failure to myself.