In retrospect

So over the past few days Matthew has seemingly met the majority of my closest family- Nanny Pam, who to his amazement has a pet pigeon she rescued from her obviously hungry cats! Auntie Cathy, another Nationwide worker with a scarily similar sense of humour, my Mum’s boyfriend who is undoubtably scarred for life after M’s Christmas fashion show resulted him in just a cardigan and boxer shorts! And finally Dad, Carmen and Cleleste, there are only a few guys who have ever met my father- mainly because I don’t see him enough to keep him fully updated with the consistent change of men in my life, but as a result it seems there will forever be a plus one on any invitation received.
Unaware of this fact until now it seems Matthew is one of those people able to charm anyone into accepting him, it now explains why he is where he is but more importantly it does make my life a lot easier!  Until recently I begrudged allowing any current partners causing my home life and love life to collide, whether a space or commitment issue I still don’t know but it resulted in awkward conversations and a shortened life expectancy for the relationship. Maybe it’s merely because it’s Christmas and the festive spirit has blurred my irrational phobia’s of attachment but the common concerns are nowhere to be seen. Only a mere second of panic crossed my mind when the reason for my Father suddenly showing any form of interest in his oldest daughter’s life was due to the fact this could be considered a serious relationship!
I’m still not totally acclimatised to the entire growing up notion, it may have only been two months ago when I was still considered a teen but my view of life and priorities seem to have drastically shifted, at the same time I am conscious 20 is only 20 and although for the majority of time I’m blissfully happy in the relationship I’m in, the thought of this being it seems almost impossible if not nightmare worthy- time is a strange thing, it remains constant yet depending on where you are in your life it can be deemed as moving too slow or too fast. Taking each day as it comes is not the easiest way for me to go about living my life, I like to plan, and then consequently I get scared of my own plans causing a mental meltdown of insecurities and doubt, it does however seem the most logical way to accept and understand change.
I know I complain about my life a lot, I’m never satisfied with what I have or how slowly my life moves forward- some people deem ambition a virtue and others a curse. Occasionally I am my own worst enemy but I do appreciate and value everything I have , a family I would never replace in a million years, loyal and trustworthy friends and an amazing boyfriend who despite his occasional annoying tendencies would do anything for me, and spoils me rotten at Christmas time. In retrspect I guess I am a pretty lucky lady!  
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