Tis the season to smile
So I haven’t started off the month in a very festive spirit, christmas tree lights are twinkling around me, seasonal tunes are sung beside me and the countdown has well and truly begun, yet my mood reflects that of the January blues… Emotions have been running high, insecurites attempting an escape, frustration and impatience breaking through, and an unruly and irrational temper ready to emplode… All resulting in an emotional see of tears, stubborn silences and isolation.
Occasionally I unwillingly sink into a temporary depression, ambition clashes with reality, the thought of being ‘stuck’ in my current job with no prospect of progression mixed with 10 hour days, low pay, minimal lunchs and even less responsibility and authority, can occaisionally override auto-pilot. When I stop for a second and look at all the additional time, effort and dedication that goes into my role and the minimal rewards I reap and recognition I earn it all get’s a little too much- The facts hit me like a tonne of bricks and I cannot help but question why on earth I even bother getting out of bed every morning.
Sometimes I wonder whether I rate myself too highly, I have been responsible for appointing all of the responsibilities I do have to myself… So maybe I am the only one willing to work and additional 3 hours everyday to make sure all thats should be is checked and completed, maybe I do encorperate different department’s jobs into my own thanks to the self-teaching I’ve applied to myself in order to ease the customers experience, maybe I have individual ideas to improve the team and department’s efficiency… Do I deserve a medal?! No, nor do I expect one… I do however put in over double the amount of time and energy into that life-draining deamon than everyone else, and I think it’s only fair to wonder why when it appears to make no difference!
However negativity has no place in the month of December, tis the season to be jolly afterall! So for the next 23 days I will focus my time and attention to the meaning of Christmas, work can wait until the New Year, Im sure the same problems and concerns will still live within so what’s the rush? It’s time to focus on my friends and family, some would argue they are what makes for a happy life, not corporate success and financial stability (not sure I’m buying that theory just yet though!). Christmas is never usually a special time of year for me, I’m not one to complain when free stuff is handed my way, but I’m the first to admit I have about as much spirit a naughty elf banished on Christmas day! 2011 has been a year for change and new experiences, that journey is to continue so my previous Scrooge like attidude will not longer spoil the true meaning of Christmas for me, I’m going to celebrate it with those that mean the world to me, primarily my Mother, by Boyfriend and my Bestie ❤
Tis the season to smile!