Oh the frustration
Sometimes I think I have an inability to be happy! When all is calme in my life I appear to have a need to cause a concern, a worry that may not even ever occur yet my mind will consistanly dwell and niggle on that small issue until I have single handedly turned it into a huge invisible problem.
I can no longer turn my love life into said distaerous situation as I have somehow managed to conclude on that everlasting, dramatic chapter- the relief is huge, I enjoy not having the continuous doubt and guilt riding upon my shoulders when considering the men involved in my life. It was never going to be easy, and I’m not going to pretend that out of sight out of mind is a true factor that is relevant one hundred percent of the time but it definitely does help. I can’t help but occasionally wonder what the outcome would have been if I had been able to make such decision when still with G, if the entire situation was reversed what would have happened. But the past is the past, and one cannot live in what has happened or what could have happened, similitainiously it’s not healthy to live in the future, the unknown and questions can consume the present and cloud the reasons behind your current actions.
So the problem of this chapter diverts back to work, when everything else is seemingly ok and I could be quite content with life the furstion of my job takes over my thoughts and prevents me from saying ‘everything is actually ok right now!’ Maybe its the 10 hour shifts I have been putting in for the past week, and the very little acknowledgement I get for it… I guess I just know where I want to be and want it now… If only life worked like that.