A change for the better?
Usually I’m not a huge fan of change, I attach myself to people and situations mentally and find letting go, even when I know they are not mine to hold onto, somewhat of a challenge. I have found the majority of the time said attachment is not of the emotional nature, maybe more of a territorial or posesive kind. If I have had something in the past my irrational and illogical side demands I should still have it whether I truly want it or not, I find it hard to remember why I no longer wanted such thing in the first as the need to have everything takes over. Because of this I find myself fighting against my better judgement going round in circles, if I can’t let go then I can’t move on… And if I don’t move on I will never progress… Consequently I get stuck.
However things seem different at the moment… So yes there are circumstances, well people I have moved on from yet unconsciously prevent them from doing so themselves, maybe for fear of losing them completely, as a person I would love them to remain a key participant in my life… But also for fear of no longer being desired. When you’re in a relationship that’s it, it’s you and that person for however long you can soldier through and make things work- when it comes to romance I’m a serious ‘glass half empty’ kind of girl! My point, only that one person is going to be showing you interest, when you walk around with a large ‘taken’ sign above your head men aren’t interested, and quite rightly so! But it means all the previous attention you would have received is reduced down to just that one special person. I suppose theoretically this should be enough, I’m in a relationship with G because I genuinely believe we could have a future. (God forbid!) I would never jeopardise that yet I’m not going to pretend I don’t miss the male attention, I’m still adapting ok!
Diverting back to topic I’ve been thinking of how I can pro-actively do something to change my life, it’s no secret my career means a ridiculous amount to me, problem is I’m not too sure Im in the right one. So maybe a change of occupation, enter a different field?
I’m not sure I’m ready to even consider that at the moment, but I would like to develop some new skills. I enjoy learning, by enhancing my knowlege I gain a sense of self achievement, I miss that! Im also going to begin living within my means, I take my finances as a joke and if I’m ever looking to get out of my mum’s place I need some cash behind me… Me and G have discussed getting a place, if I can stop being such a miserable, rubbish girlfriend we’re going to start looking after christmas… Im excited, a little doubtful but when am I ever 100% sure. I need to focus on what I do have not what I don’t, new attitude, happier Danni?
Oh yeah what’s that, it’s my birthday in… Drumroll please… 11 days!! ♥ The big 20, oh no