BlaBlaBlaa- Beg, Borrow or Steal?

To the right, if I look out over my balcony I have the magical view of Lava nightclub, Ibis hotel, and the Carlsberg factory, I know I’m selling it impeccably here! But to the left I can see my entire town, lit up like a christmas tree and thats when I know that I need to live on my own. Not on my own as a flat share with a friend, or in my own room at my Mother’s, on my own as in independently residing in a property… That’s righ just me! Working it out I could get a nice 1 bed flat in Northampton town centre for around £500 per month… An average price but seemingly impossible as I earn after tax just over £1000, I need a plan! Maybe I could find someone to bribe or blackmail? Sell Jodie’s baby in 8 months time when she pops it out? Speed up my relationship with Tinie Tempah and force him to pay? Or join a reality TV show?
Ok so maybe my suggestions are not overly realistic and I don’t think Jode’s will appreciate me flogging her child when she’s sacrificed her figure and youth for it! But I seriously need to do something, I cannot move back home for long, it will drive me insane- even more so than now!
God where are all the recently deceased unknown relative when you need them? A mysterious inheritance would come in handy right about now, that or a lottery win (note to self- start playing the lottery!)